Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

That's the Golden Rule. It shows up in one form or another in almost every major philosophy and religion. On the surface, it sounds nice. But it's got a problem. It assumes that everyone wants what you want. That your tastes, values, preferences, and worldview are universal. They're not.

A better rule? The Platinum Rule:

Do unto others as they would have done unto themselves.

It requires more empathy. More listening. More effort. And it's actually more moral.

Let's be blunt. Just because you enjoy liverwurst doesn't mean your spouse does. Just because you like loud birthday parties doesn't mean your introverted friend does. And just because your religion teaches certain things doesn't mean the rest of us want to be treated by that standard.

You can apply this everywhere:

In your personal life, the difference between the Golden Rule and the Platinum Rule can show up in the smallest moments. Let's say your partner comes home from a frustrating day and starts venting. If you're the kind of person who appreciates advice and solutions, you might jump in with suggestions - trying to help, because that's what you would want. But maybe that's not what they need. Maybe they just want to feel heard. They want empathy, not a fix. Following the Golden Rule, you give them what you'd want. Following the Platinum Rule, you slow down, ask what they need, and meet them where they are. That's harder - but it's also more loving.

In fitness, the Platinum Rule can make a huge difference in how people feel supported. You might thrive on loud, aggressive gym music - something that gets your adrenaline pumping and helps you push through heavy sets. But your workout buddy might find that overwhelming or distracting. Maybe they do better with mellow playlists or even silence so they can focus on form and breathing. If you're blasting your favorites and expecting them to just deal with it, that's the Golden Rule in action - you're giving them what you would want. But if you pause, ask what they prefer, and maybe compromise with headphones or shared playlists, that's the Platinum Rule. It's not just more respectful. It creates a space where both people can perform at their best.

In business, the Platinum Rule shows up in how we communicate. I'll be honest - I hate talking on the phone. I've got a whole page on my website about it. I prefer emails because I can respond when I have time, keep a written record, and avoid spending hours stuck in conversations that could've been handled in three lines of text. And early on in my business, the phone never stopped ringing. If I'd answered every call, I wouldn't have had time to actually build or run anything. But here's the thing - I know I'm not everyone. Just like some people hate email and feel more comfortable talking things through. If I rigidly insisted that everyone adapt to my style, that would be the Golden Rule in action: "I like email, so that's what I'll give you." But real professionalism means balancing that with the Platinum Rule - figuring out what works for the other person too. Sometimes it's about compromise. Sometimes it's about boundaries. But it always starts with understanding that your way isn't the only way. (1)

In tech, the Platinum Rule is about adjusting your help to match the user's level - not your own. If you're the "IT guy" in your company, it's easy to forget that not everyone speaks that language. Someone might come to you asking how to copy a file or reset their Wi-Fi, and your instinct might be to launch into an over-explained, step-by-step guide filled with jargon and options. But that's the Golden Rule - you're giving them the kind of deep technical breakdown you'd want. What they really want is for you to slow down, use plain English, and maybe just walk them through it one click at a time. It's not about dumbing it down - it's about tuning in. The Platinum Rule says, "Let me help you the way you need, not the way I prefer to help." And that's what actually makes the support feel supportive.

In politics, the Platinum Rule should be the standard - not the exception. Politicians are elected to serve everyone, not just people who think, live, or worship like they do. And not just the people in their own party! But too often, they govern by the Golden Rule: they push laws based on their own values, assuming the rest of us want the same things. A deeply religious lawmaker might vote to restrict personal freedoms because they believe it's moral. But that leaves out the needs and rights of people who don't share that belief system. The Platinum Rule demands more: that leaders listen to diverse voices, ask what different communities actually want, and shape policy around the real needs of the population - not just their own worldview. That's not weakness. That's representative government working the way it's supposed to.

When someone you love dies, people often don't know what to say - so they fall back on what would comfort them. A religious friend might say, "They're in a better place now," or offer to pray with you. And they mean well. That's the Golden Rule in action - they're doing what they would want if they were grieving. But if you're not religious, or have different beliefs, that kind of comfort might not land the way they hope. In fact, it might feel hollow, or even awkward. What you really want might be something simpler. Just for them to sit with you in silence, to hold your hand, to be present. That's the Platinum Rule: choosing to support someone in the way they find meaningful, not the way you do. It takes more thought, but it hits closer to the heart. (2)

And as always, Star Trek gives us the perfect example. Worf didn't grow up immersed in Klingon culture. He was raised on Earth by human parents, and discovered Klingon traditions later in life. But once he did, he embraced them fully, building his identity around honor, discipline, and the warrior code. So when his son, Alexander, came into his care after his mother's death, Worf assumed that the right thing to do was to pass those same values along. But Alexander had a very different temperament. He hadn't grown up around Klingon ideals, and he didn't want to be a warrior. He didn't even like fighting. At first, Worf saw this as a problem to fix - he believed he was doing the right thing by pushing his son to live the Klingon way. But eventually, Worf realized that real strength meant accepting who Alexander was, not who he wished he would become. That shift is the Platinum Rule in action. Worf had to let go of his own code long enough to see what his son actually needed. Not an honor lesson. Just a father.

The Golden Rule is about projection. The Platinum Rule is about perspective.

The Platinum Rule is harder. It means asking, "What does this person need, not what would I want if I were them?"

It's easy to assume people want what you want. It's much harder to ask and adapt. But that's where real connection happens. And ironically, it's a lot more compassionate than what many religions teach.

LLAP
RR

(1) Yes, I fully admit, I'm in violation of the platinum rule when it comes to this. But it's just not practical for me to talk on the phone. I tried, I just can't do it, there aren't enough hours in the day. Besides, I'm an online business. Online. :)

(2) See what I did there, Rush fans?

P.S. I intentionally avoided the example that I really wanted to use for this, which was "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, but not everyone likes whips and chains." Oh, dammit. I used it.