Captain's Log: Last night's Thanksgiving dinner with the Klingons went about as expected, which is to say nothing went according to plan and yet somehow nobody died. I am calling that a victory.

The meal began peacefully enough. They inspected the turkey for battle scars, declared the stuffing "adequately aggressive," and then argued over whether mashed potatoes were supposed to hiss at you. When I explained they were not, they seemed disappointed. Turns out some of the gach crawled across the table and dove into the taters earlier in the evening. One Klingon attempted to intimidate a dinner roll. The dinner roll did not respond. This was viewed as an act of defiance.

At one point, a minor diplomatic incident broke out when they discovered the gravy boat. They assumed it was a ceremonial vessel and attempted to christen it with a blood oath. My wife intervened before anything could actually be sacrificed. She deserves a medal. Or at least a nap.

The real chaos began after dessert. They noticed I was working on my Holiday Sale and asked what "Black Friday" meant. So, like a fool, I showed them YouTube videos of shoppers storming into stores, grabbing carts like boarding axes, and trampling each other over discounted televisions. The Klingons watched in stunned silence, then erupted in cheers. One of them shouted, "At last! A human holiday worthy of song!"

They were halfway out the door before the video even finished. By the time I could ask where they were going, they had already declared their intent to seek glorious battle at the nearest Walmart. They don't even want to buy anything! I tried to explain that modern Walmart security does not encourage hand-to-hand combat, but they insisted on experiencing the tradition for themselves. I fully expect the local police to contact Starfleet.

In any case, I survived the feast, the house is still intact, and my sale is ready to launch. If the Klingons return with a flat-screen TV and a story about honorable discount warfare, I will consider the cultural exchange a complete success.

LLAP
RR